you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
