we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
How external is "for external use only"?
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Randomize
