That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
