My underwear smells like fireworks.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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