if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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