i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
