so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize