batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
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