Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
