drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
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