First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
