12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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