you would pick up someone in the library
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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