She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
