We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
