Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
