Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
