you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
