did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
