Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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