Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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