I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize