a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Randomize
