TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
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