He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Randomize
