Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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