I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
