My sheets look like a crime scene.
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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