he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
