my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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