well I can't set my house on fire every night
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
