It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
