i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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