It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
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