We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I made him laugh his dick is mine
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize