when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
