At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
