Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
