i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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