He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
