so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
