you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
