Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
