My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
