I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize
