didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
