If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize