I showed him my bush... on skype.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Randomize