i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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