Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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