Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
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