So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
