We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
