The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Randomize
