I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
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