you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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