dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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