Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize