i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
