Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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