They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
