i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Randomize
