His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
