3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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