drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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