i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize