mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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