My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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