If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
The best revenge is premature balding
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
