my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
please come you make the beer taste better
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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