I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I think your dad took our porno
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
