Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
