Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Randomize
