Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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