One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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