11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
my poor anus
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize