wanna go halves on a baby?
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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