Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
