she was so not down for the gang bang
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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