I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
