Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
