just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
