apparently the secret to your success is patron
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
