Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Randomize
