Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
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