your parents love me but you hate me
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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