My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
